I go through this every year after 13 Nights of Halloween.
What next? I put it all out there. I fought my fight and went the distance.
Now it is the quiet after the storm.
The trick, I have found, is to quickly challenge myself again. To ask myself what is the next mountain I want to climb?
Do you take time to take a break and recharge? Am I even allowed that?
Did you like it? Do you love it?
Would you buy it?
Does it matter either way?
I will continue to make it regardless.
Someone on tv with no teeth is making moonshine and I rot here trying to make an honest living afraid of joining the dishonest world. Can you make a buck anymore with out stepping on someone else?
Would you buy the art if I was tan and in shape and you wanted to fuck me?
I put it all out there, I put my world and family at risk. If I was a prize fighter or a cage fighter would my worth be more?
I would make you get up and make you cheer when I won the fight. You would worship me and buy products with me plastered all over it.
I did not fight for your freedom I am a second class un-American who someone else put their life on the line for my freedom.
Is my support for the soldiers enough? Is my fight to feed my family not a war worth supporting?
Do you see me as lazy? Suck it up and get your ass in the corporate trenches with the rest of us?
Its not a perfect life but you will have enough money to buy things to numb that pain.
Am I broken? Am I the square peg in a world of round holes?
These fleeting thoughts fly through my head. They are a distraction. A conversation that throws up road blocks that get me to stop doing what I need to do.
I see the blank screen, the blank canvas
The monsters scream inside
I need to let them out
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